Hello. Welcome to Ruud Gullit Sitting On A Shed, a paraphernalium of footballing parody, satire and esoterica, with the mood occasionally soured by po-faced columns.
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Look forward to all of the below and more…
* Launching fresh perspective into the mixer and shaking its head at what it finds there
* Thrusting the phallus of ignorance into football’s glory hole and emitting naught but cynicism
* Accepting the pre-match pennant of allegory with a firm handshake
* Lumping long balls up to the Big Man Up Top (by which I mean GOD)
* All of the things listed either side of this bullet point and more
* Tutting loudly at the stray piss on football’s toilet seat
* Loudly admonishing the beautiful game’s wastrels and miscreants
* Casting an eye over life’s substitutes bench with barely concealed fury and disappointment
* Bowdlerising the profanity-laden discourse of the working man
* Mustering the satirical phlegm needed to keep pace with feigned injury-time calf cramp
All of the above and more!