It’s my football predictions for 2013!
* Stewart Downing will join the army.
* Leon Osman’s pop career will finally get off the ground when he joins Erasure.
* Robert Green will continue lying to his accountant, and will find himself in severe trouble.
* The crabapple is a lovely fruit. Expect more Premiership clubs to harness its nutritional value.
* Tim Krul will fail to have sexual intercourse for an entire calendar year.
* Brian Eno will still have absolutely nothing to do with football.
* In an effort to break the monotony of Sloop John B, football fans will begin singing their favourite footballers names to the catchy tune of Clive Dunn’s ‘Granddad’.
* Chris Powell’s hiccups will finally stop.
* Neil Lennon will notice that a tile in his kitchen has come loose. He’ll get an estimate before deciding to have a go himself, but will still end up getting someone in.
* Michael Carrick will make no friends.
* Jack Wilshere’s uncle will pop round to borrow the Argos catalogue.