Welcome, Guardian readers!

Hello new readers! Have you been on holiday? You look great!

If you have been sent here by the Guardian website’s ‘Our favourite things this week’ section, we need to address the following things:

1 –We bear no ill will that we have been selected for this monumental honour on a bank holiday week, automatically cutting short our moment in the sun. Any suggestion that Ruud Gullit Sitting On A Shed will firebomb Rob Smyth’s house is purely paper talk, and anyway we don’t know where he lives.

2 – Equally, there is no resentment over the fact that they have failed to acknowledge the true name of this blog, preventing untold progress in terms of raising brand awareness. We have sent an inquisitive e-mail to celebrated PR guru Max Clifford, seeking his advice.

Now that we’re all friends, why not sit a while and see what else is on offer? Why not wallow in the muck of lust, as Sexy Football regales you with some sizzling hot erotica? How about looking at The Reducer – a mere second of looking at a funny picture can provide you with a mere second of joy, so treat yourself! We also have Joey Barton’s Lifestyle Choices, where football’s answer to Nathan Barley impresses us with his clean-living regime. There is also Paul Ince’s Reminiscences, Minute-By-Minutes and, much, much more! And more! You can subscribe to the blog, and receive an e-mail to tell you whenever I’ve spouted fresh guff. You can also follow us on Twitter (@RGSOAS), to see what I think about when I’m sitting on the turlet at work. You can even hire a private investigator to find out where I live, and break in to my home to surprise me after a hard day’s work – the first reader to do so will win a mystery prize*!

So please, let your stay be not short, and let’s all be friends. GROUP HUG! (Please e-mail or tweet to confirm that you have hugged your PC screen, laptop, or mobile device. Full group hug figures will then be posted soon after.)

*A RGSOAS t-shirt and a knife in your dark heart.

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