Joey Barton’s Alternative Lifestyle Choices #4

This week I decided to start taking pilates classes. We have an instructor at the club, and she says it will help me become bendy. If it’s good enough for Ryan Giggs then it’s good enough for me. Funny how I can’t say the same of the treatment we’re both given by the press though – I get in trouble and I’m crucified for it, Giggsy Wiggsy is naughty and has an affair and he’s everyone’s hero. Sure, a lit cigar in someone’s eye is one thing, but what was that if not a Freudian phallic symbol, trying to penetrate the wider public consciousness in a cry for help? At least that was symbolic, while Saint Ryan was literally poking his #helmet where it shouldn’t have been. Anyway, if it’s helped him play until 38 then I guess I should give it a go. I’ll need to play until I’m at least 40 if I’m ever going to play for England again, which I definitely don’t care or think about, despite me mentioning it again just there. #englandrubbishatfootball

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