Steve McClaren opens his mouth to speak…

Former Nottingham Forest manager Steve McClaren has spoken of his future plans in the wake of his ignominious departure from the club, stating that he doesn’t plan on being out of a job for very long. It is believed that he will seek a job in retail management in order to hone certain skills such as his man-management techniques, motivational aptitude, and his ability to order new stock.

Though McClaren may talk ambitiously of finding his way at one of the leading department stores (Marks & Spencer’s Bluewater store is known to be looking for a new Department Manager, but he may be reluctant to play second fiddle to the Store Manager), the only retailer to have expressed any interest at this early stage is ragbag, ragtag outfit TK Maxx. However, irate shoppers have already expressed reservations on Twitter, with one user stating that “McClaren has a proven track record of failure, and his visual merchandising skills would be an insult to the York City club shop”.

With such early opposition to his potential appointment, it is thought unlikely that a major player will be willing to risk alienating their followers. Although McClaren has worked under the best (he once appeared in a television documentary with the geometrically-coiffured Mary Portas, as he attempted to turn around the fortunes of a local charity shop), he also famously disappointed during a high-profile work experience stint at the now-defunct Woolworths, having failed to sell a single easter egg during the month of March.

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