The Reducer: Stewart Downing

RGSOAS Previews 2012 With Misplaced Bombast

2012 is now lumbering towards us, with its drunken breath and unwelcomely aggressive body language, and it will be a big year for football. It will be an even bigger year for Ruud Gullit Sitting On A Shed. We will strive to bring you even more cutting edge journalism and hard-hitting investigation than you could ever possibly wish to digest. Here we offer a preview of some of the highlights that you can look forward to in the nearly-future.

Stefan Effenberg Eats Battenberg - Deliciously assonant tea-time titillation.

Is Muzzy Izzet 90% Water? – The truth will amaze you.

What Do Premiership Managers Know of the Beastie Boys? – In-depth survey uncovering the startling affinity between Martin Jol and Ad-Rock.

Bumdesliga! – Germany’s top flight gets bawdy.

Robbie Fowler and the Nasal Breathing Strip Trend – A retrospective look on how it foreshadowed global financial crisis.

How to Recommend Players to People – People like a fella who’s helpful in that way. Recommended.

Garth Crooks Gesticulates Wildly – While jabbering inanely.

All-Time Classic Walls – A nostalgic look back at the best defensive walls of all time (foreword by Ilunga Mwepu).

Classic Commentary Gaffes – Featuring your favourite mispronounciations, spoonerisms and malapropisms. Including “Weffield Shednesday”, “Barca-boner”, “Jobby Charlton” and more.

How Stewart Downing Would React To Bad News - A series of harrowing preconstructions wherein football’s prominent bore reacts to awful news.