- Your diet lacks fibre
- You are very bad at most board games
- You’ve seen Inception six times and are still extremely puzzled
- You’ve never been tempted to even try Guinness
- You’ve never had a shave without cutting yourself at least thrice
- It took you a very long time to learn how to tie your shoelaces, a very long time
- When you dance you jerk spasmodically and unattractively, like Ian Curtis watching Tron
- You are an inept and charmless flirt, despite your wealth and youth
- You find Hollyoaks gripping
- You are easily flustered by the basic mechanics of flossing
“When you dance you jerk spasmodically and unattractively, like Ian Curtis watching Tron”
I’d laugh, but that hits a bit close to home.
Oh no, do you have epilepsy? Or, less likely, do you take umbrage as a Joy Division and/or Tron devotee? Either way, I do apologise for any offence.
(This is exactly the sort of provocative uproar that is fast becoming a Balotelli hallmark.)